“Resilience” is defined as the “capacity to recover quickly from difficulties” or the “ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape”. In the world of psychology, this concept is a big one as the ultimate goal for people who have experienced trauma is to develop resilience. Separation and divorce are very much a trauma for the couple separating as well as for their children. For your sake, and the sake of your children, please think about the following:
- Know that resilience does not mean “getting over it”. It means coping with grief and recovering quickly. However, “quickly” is relative. Everyone has different personalities, personal histories, coping mechanisms, and speeds of recovery. Therefore, take it easy on yourself and your children if the recovery process seems to take longer than other families who have been through a divorce. Just remind yourself that developing resilience sometimes takes work and time.
- Stay active. Continue to go to work or college. Maintain friendships, support systems, and importantly, your relationship with your children. Human contact and momentum are important to recovery, just as self-isolation and inaction can have the opposite effect. Further, your presence and willingness to communicate with your children during times of trauma can factor into their resilience.
- Stay mindful about what is positive in your life. This comes naturally to some people, but to others it is very difficult. It is important to remind yourself of the positive factors in your life. This includes positive influences, children, family, friends, career, and stability. When it comes to divorce, take time to focus on the new direction and new opportunity that a separation may provide you.
- Roll with the changes in your life. While it sounds cliché, change truly is one of life’s few constants. There will be events in our life that are entirely out of our control, but we can control the choices we make in times of chaos, tragedy, and trauma. With that in mind, set personal goals for yourself and make plans regarding your new direction. Having goals and plans to work toward can help you “spring back into shape.”
New Direction Family Law
Separations and divorces are traumatic experiences. At New Direction Family Law, we recognize this and take pride in offering compassionate, supportive legal advocacy. We serve Wake, Johnston, Lee, Harnett, Cumberland, Nash, Granville, Franklin, and Durham counties. If you are seeking help with a separation and divorce, alimony, property division, or child custody dispute, let us represent you. Contact our office at (919) 719-3470 to schedule a consultation or reach us online at our website.
Sarah J. Hink
New Direction Family Law