Band-Aids for Broken Hearts | New Direction Family Law

Band-Aids for Broken Hearts

In Separation & Divorce by Elizabeth Stephenson

Band-Aids for Broken Hearts | New Direction Family Law“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”- Robert Frost

Did you know that the Band-Aid was invented by Earle Dickenson on September 22, 1921? He got the idea for the bandage from his wife, who always cut her fingers in the kitchen when cooking.Good thing his solution wasn’t to hire a cook!

Band aids can cure a lot of “boo boos,” especially those with the cool cartoon, superhero and princess characters on them. In fact, I still use those!  But, as we all know, even the strongest super hero can’t cure a broken heart. Can anything? As a family law attorney for over 16 years, I’m here to tell you YES!

Why do our Hearts get Broken?

There are so many reasons people don’t stay together: To fill a need in their life, societal norms, physical or emotional abuse, or you’ve just grown apart. And that’s just to name a few.

Who suffers more, men or women? It’s harder for men, when they have formed an attachment, to leave on terms other than their own. “Women take a breakup easier,” syndicated columnist and psychologist Joyce Brothers, PhD, tells WebMD. “Women are more tuned to their feelings and know it’s coming. It doesn’t hit them like a ton of bricks.

How to Cope

After the death of my husband last year, the 5 stages of grief became a reality for me.  It also made me realize that the break up of a marriage is a death.  The death of all your hopes and dreams for the future, your self-worth and self-esteem.  But, unlike a death, your love life can be resurrected and you can, as Robert Frost tells us “go on.”

However, it’s important to take the time to move through the stages of your grief: 1. Denial and Isolation, 2. Anger, 3. Bargaining, 4. Depression, and 5. Acceptance. Grieving allows you to say “good-bye” and move on. Here are a few tips to help you as you slough through:

  • Write or journal.
  • Get out, even if it’s by yourself to dinner, a movie, or art exhibit.
  • Touch. Replace sex with massages.
  • Physical Activity. Join a gym, take a walk, play with your kids—just get moving.
  • Stay in the present. Release feelings of anger, hatred and thoughts of revenge.
  • Know you are special. And that this too shall pass.
  • Music can be therapy. However, “your song” as a couple is not recommended.

Here are 50 songs for every type of split. So put on your comfy sweats, curl up on the couch, scoop up some ice cream, and crank up the volume!

Band Aids aren’t “one size fits all.” Your grieving process may be different, or longer or shorter, than the friend or family member you know that’s also been through divorce. The most important thing is that you take time to mend your heart, and eventually, you’ll be ready to rip the bandage off. Sometimes wounds leave a scar, and that’s ok. Let the scar be a reminder that you are stronger than whatever, or whoever, hurt you.

 

Elizabeth Stephenson
New Direction Family Law

New Direction Family Law
newdirectionfamilylaw.com
(919) 719-3470